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Mar 29, 2011
Mar 12, 2011
I Forgot the Risk.. I Took the Fall..
It's been a while since I posted my last entry and I thought of writing a random blog because I'm bored and it's 2 AM in the morning of March 12. I just wanna rant my hard feelings about my last relationship..
I had the happiest and the hardest relationship. I knew he was my first love and I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life with him. We were so in love. I knew it was love at first sight and it made me so obsessed with it. We were happy couples and fights were rare for us. We may have been GF-BF for 43 days but it was the best ever. I didn't regret of having taking the chance.
It was hard because we didn't started out as friends. We started as people who obviously have mutual understanding. It was just 2 days after our first meet when he invited me out. And after that, it became more consistent each and every day before August 18.
Then the day came that I was so high during our YFC General Assembly. I was high for the love of God and the love of my suitor. I was really happy that night. So I ended up committing myself both to service (again) and him. I was really really really happy. I know he deserves my love. I know I deserve him too. I prayed for him.. I prayed for us.. but after 43 days of I-thought-it'll-last-forever moments, something really lame happened.
I was moody then (blame PMS for our breakup) when I just ended it all up unreasonably. Together with my pride and his, we didn't fix it even when we had the soonest chances to reconcile.
I became a horrible lover and became martyr about it.I became miserable. I couldn't understand why he still shows he cares. His actions speak. I know.. I know him. But I couldn't understand why he don't wanna talk to me. Why he don't wanna end my longing for him. Why, if he don't love me anymore, he don't want a formal end to the relationship.
It makes me wonder. And it's so hard to move on when he's the one who even told me he still likes me.. that he still misses me.... How can I ever move on?
My friends kept telling me to just accept the fact that we're over and keep in mind that we're never getting back.. that you're never gonna talk to me. They told me that you aren't worth it.. that you're overruled by your pride. They told me that I'll leave it as is and move on. BUT I CAN'T. It's really hard to move on BUT I WILL TRY. And I'm still looking forward that we'd cross our paths and talk things to conclude.
I'm sorry. It was all my fault.
I WILL TRY TO MOVE ON. :(
I had the happiest and the hardest relationship. I knew he was my first love and I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life with him. We were so in love. I knew it was love at first sight and it made me so obsessed with it. We were happy couples and fights were rare for us. We may have been GF-BF for 43 days but it was the best ever. I didn't regret of having taking the chance.
It was hard because we didn't started out as friends. We started as people who obviously have mutual understanding. It was just 2 days after our first meet when he invited me out. And after that, it became more consistent each and every day before August 18.
Then the day came that I was so high during our YFC General Assembly. I was high for the love of God and the love of my suitor. I was really happy that night. So I ended up committing myself both to service (again) and him. I was really really really happy. I know he deserves my love. I know I deserve him too. I prayed for him.. I prayed for us.. but after 43 days of I-thought-it'll-last-forever moments, something really lame happened.
I was moody then (blame PMS for our breakup) when I just ended it all up unreasonably. Together with my pride and his, we didn't fix it even when we had the soonest chances to reconcile.
I became a horrible lover and became martyr about it.I became miserable. I couldn't understand why he still shows he cares. His actions speak. I know.. I know him. But I couldn't understand why he don't wanna talk to me. Why he don't wanna end my longing for him. Why, if he don't love me anymore, he don't want a formal end to the relationship.
It makes me wonder. And it's so hard to move on when he's the one who even told me he still likes me.. that he still misses me.... How can I ever move on?
My friends kept telling me to just accept the fact that we're over and keep in mind that we're never getting back.. that you're never gonna talk to me. They told me that you aren't worth it.. that you're overruled by your pride. They told me that I'll leave it as is and move on. BUT I CAN'T. It's really hard to move on BUT I WILL TRY. And I'm still looking forward that we'd cross our paths and talk things to conclude.
I'm sorry. It was all my fault.
I WILL TRY TO MOVE ON. :(
Feb 11, 2011
My Family's Foundation
It was almost 11 P.M. when Mama and I got home. We were tired from cleaning and doing so many errands -- exhausting stuffs. I was surprised when Dad wasn't home yet and knew later that he went out to treat his auditors. While waiting for Dad, I went online to do some advertisings and networking.. some career-related things. Was't on Facebook nor iStorya much.
It was already 2++ A.M. when Dad arrived. He smelled liquor and looked tipsy. I thought that maybe they had a few drinks after dining out. So, I decided to head to my room and have a sleep. Left both of my parents in the sala and made my way upstairs. When I finally laid off my drowsy mood, I felt the need to drink first. So yeah, opted to go back downstairs and quenched my thirst.
Since I was really really really tired, I stomped all the way down. STOMP.. STOMP.. STOMP.. I knew my feet were really heavy that time. I stomped one step at a time -- made really noisy steps. And when I was halfway the stairs, saw both of my parents sitting down the couch while sala room was so murky. I ignored their presence and continued stomping to the fridge.
Then, when I got near them, it got awkward -- super awkward. BECAUSE I HEARD THEM PRAYING. MY DAD WAS ACTUALLY LEADING A SPONTANEOUS PRAYER. Geeeeeez. And I realized I made really noisy steps. Tsk. Sorry parents. :| I moved really fast and went upstairs right after I drank. And even after I passed by them on my way up, they weren't finish with the prayer yet.
Later on, while in my room, so much thoughts came into my mind. Told myself, "My dad's great. My mom's great. My parents are. Our family is. Geeeez. Dad went home tipsy and really late. Mama's tired and sleepy. However, they prayed TOGETHER before they sleep. And here I am, with my sister snoring while in dreamland, never thought of praying before we sleep. But our parents, despite their so busy schedule and tired bodies, they still alloted time for prayer -- for our family. Haaaaay."
SOBRA PANI'S KONSENSYA.
It was already 2++ A.M. when Dad arrived. He smelled liquor and looked tipsy. I thought that maybe they had a few drinks after dining out. So, I decided to head to my room and have a sleep. Left both of my parents in the sala and made my way upstairs. When I finally laid off my drowsy mood, I felt the need to drink first. So yeah, opted to go back downstairs and quenched my thirst.
Since I was really really really tired, I stomped all the way down. STOMP.. STOMP.. STOMP.. I knew my feet were really heavy that time. I stomped one step at a time -- made really noisy steps. And when I was halfway the stairs, saw both of my parents sitting down the couch while sala room was so murky. I ignored their presence and continued stomping to the fridge.
Then, when I got near them, it got awkward -- super awkward. BECAUSE I HEARD THEM PRAYING. MY DAD WAS ACTUALLY LEADING A SPONTANEOUS PRAYER. Geeeeeez. And I realized I made really noisy steps. Tsk. Sorry parents. :| I moved really fast and went upstairs right after I drank. And even after I passed by them on my way up, they weren't finish with the prayer yet.
Later on, while in my room, so much thoughts came into my mind. Told myself, "My dad's great. My mom's great. My parents are. Our family is. Geeeez. Dad went home tipsy and really late. Mama's tired and sleepy. However, they prayed TOGETHER before they sleep. And here I am, with my sister snoring while in dreamland, never thought of praying before we sleep. But our parents, despite their so busy schedule and tired bodies, they still alloted time for prayer -- for our family. Haaaaay."
SOBRA PANI'S KONSENSYA.
Jan 22, 2011
18 Candles, 18 Intentions
I turned 18 years old last January 16, 2011. I didn't have the I-think-it's-so-fancy cotillion nor had the grandest dinner with all of my friends but I had the best birthday ever! I didn't deserve to celebrate a special day together with Sto. Niño but I just did! And it was one birthday I would never forget because it gave me feeling that my life had been changed forever. I eagerly attended the 9-Day Novena mass starting January 6 and ended on the 14th. Even when I have no company, I still go, because my goal was to complete the novena and thought that it would give me the best satisfaction before I turn legal.
On the last day, January 14, I went to hear the last mass alone. I was able to have a seat and heard religiously all throughout the mass. When it ended, after a tradition of Sinulog dancing, I was smiling all the way out of the church. A woman, nearly 60's, approached and convinced me to buy her candles. She gave me smile and I smiled back and gave me a light feeling -- happiness. I gave her a 50-peso bill and asked for 18 candles. She was preparing to lend me the change when I held her hand and said, "Anha lang na nimo La. Hehe. Mag 18 na baya ko karong Dominggo." I was proudly saying these words to her. And without a split second after, she looked into my eye saying, "Hala ka nindot. Salamat kaayo Day. Advance Happy Birthday! I-Sinulog tika ha. Unsa'y ngan?" "Tibuok kalibutan," I said. I was surprised and so was she. "Aw. Kuan diay. Na unsa man ko La oe. Hehe. Petralba Family." Then she offered a Sinulog for me right in front of the church. After the prayers have been offered we said our byes and I took from her the candles and headed to the place where I lit them.
Before I did, I said the sign of the cross and offered my personal prayers. I was holding then the 18 candles and while praying I took them one-by-one, like rosary bead, and said my 18 intentions: God, Faith, Love, Daddy, Mama, Sister, Lola, Studies, Career, Business, Leadership, Friends, Teachers, Ex, Lovelife, Past, Present, & Future.
After that, it made me so happy. I never thought I could do such thing. When I rode the jeepney on my way to Kaldi Koffe, my thinking was, "Kiyawa nako oe. Bisag unsa ko ka sinner, ing-ana ra gihapon ka high akong hopes to being forgiven and heard." And I ended up realizing that no matter how bad you were, there's still the good in you that will always prevail. And it doesn't matter of who you were, what matters is who you are becoming.
On the last day, January 14, I went to hear the last mass alone. I was able to have a seat and heard religiously all throughout the mass. When it ended, after a tradition of Sinulog dancing, I was smiling all the way out of the church. A woman, nearly 60's, approached and convinced me to buy her candles. She gave me smile and I smiled back and gave me a light feeling -- happiness. I gave her a 50-peso bill and asked for 18 candles. She was preparing to lend me the change when I held her hand and said, "Anha lang na nimo La. Hehe. Mag 18 na baya ko karong Dominggo." I was proudly saying these words to her. And without a split second after, she looked into my eye saying, "Hala ka nindot. Salamat kaayo Day. Advance Happy Birthday! I-Sinulog tika ha. Unsa'y ngan?" "Tibuok kalibutan," I said. I was surprised and so was she. "Aw. Kuan diay. Na unsa man ko La oe. Hehe. Petralba Family." Then she offered a Sinulog for me right in front of the church. After the prayers have been offered we said our byes and I took from her the candles and headed to the place where I lit them.
Before I did, I said the sign of the cross and offered my personal prayers. I was holding then the 18 candles and while praying I took them one-by-one, like rosary bead, and said my 18 intentions: God, Faith, Love, Daddy, Mama, Sister, Lola, Studies, Career, Business, Leadership, Friends, Teachers, Ex, Lovelife, Past, Present, & Future.
After that, it made me so happy. I never thought I could do such thing. When I rode the jeepney on my way to Kaldi Koffe, my thinking was, "Kiyawa nako oe. Bisag unsa ko ka sinner, ing-ana ra gihapon ka high akong hopes to being forgiven and heard." And I ended up realizing that no matter how bad you were, there's still the good in you that will always prevail. And it doesn't matter of who you were, what matters is who you are becoming.
Born To A Dying Mother
I have known that Dad's sister, my Auntie Lucille, had her wedding on the same year with my parents. It may sound hilarious, but yeah, they were sort of SUKOB SA KASAL (a Filipino belief/superstition -- the gist of this belief is that when an immediate family member gets wedded, one must wait for another full year to wed). And because they were "sukob sa kasal," mama believed that her's and auntie's delivery became their misfortune and fortune. Both of them were on the cliff of their lives, but my cousin and I were born, and they made it through all the pain and the almost-dying-moments.
I am not certain about my Auntie's experience but I'll share to you briefly the story of my mom's. She was almost to give birth and was admitted to the hospital. It was an afternoon of January 15, 1993, last day of the novena mass for Sto. Niño's feast, when she was brought inside the delivery room. As narrated by her, she was struggling to give birth. She found out it so hard TO LET ME OUT! So, 12hours++ later, they decided to undergo the caeasarian operation. During the process, she was suffering from a severe blood loss (hemorrhage occured). Thus, she ALMOST died.
Doctors went to the rescue. And of course, mama was strong enough to fight for her life, she survived and I was born healthy! I was born at Sacred Heart Hospital at around 6AM of January 16, 1993, on the Saturday, a day before the Sinulog Festival. I was named Nikki Ninna. And obviously, Ninna is inspired by Sto. Niño.
Jan 21, 2011
Quality over Quantity
I've always wanted to blog everyday but there really are times that mood doesn't permit me. Then, I end up posting really baloney entries just to keep up with my goal of posting daily. I make posts narrating my day's itinerary and feelings. And I hate to admit the fact that I've been ranting really lame stuffs because I'm just a student with an everyday cycle -- I wake up, go to school, go home, and going out with friends during the weekdays are rare. So yeah, I thought that maybe I should end it this soon.
However, I will continue blogging with my new-born blog name, "ANIKDOTE." This blog name was inspired by the word, obviously, anecdote which means an interesting story based on reality and most of the time, are stories that gives inspiration and are about moral values. Most people think that anecdotes are a fictional piece, one that is "too good to be true."
Oh! Yeah, I can't promise to please all my readers but one thing's for sure, everything will be coming from my heart and soul. I don't preach, I share.
However, I will continue blogging with my new-born blog name, "ANIKDOTE." This blog name was inspired by the word, obviously, anecdote which means an interesting story based on reality and most of the time, are stories that gives inspiration and are about moral values. Most people think that anecdotes are a fictional piece, one that is "too good to be true."
Oh! Yeah, I can't promise to please all my readers but one thing's for sure, everything will be coming from my heart and soul. I don't preach, I share.
