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Mar 29, 2011
Mar 12, 2011
I Forgot the Risk.. I Took the Fall..
It's been a while since I posted my last entry and I thought of writing a random blog because I'm bored and it's 2 AM in the morning of March 12. I just wanna rant my hard feelings about my last relationship..
I had the happiest and the hardest relationship. I knew he was my first love and I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life with him. We were so in love. I knew it was love at first sight and it made me so obsessed with it. We were happy couples and fights were rare for us. We may have been GF-BF for 43 days but it was the best ever. I didn't regret of having taking the chance.
It was hard because we didn't started out as friends. We started as people who obviously have mutual understanding. It was just 2 days after our first meet when he invited me out. And after that, it became more consistent each and every day before August 18.
Then the day came that I was so high during our YFC General Assembly. I was high for the love of God and the love of my suitor. I was really happy that night. So I ended up committing myself both to service (again) and him. I was really really really happy. I know he deserves my love. I know I deserve him too. I prayed for him.. I prayed for us.. but after 43 days of I-thought-it'll-last-forever moments, something really lame happened.
I was moody then (blame PMS for our breakup) when I just ended it all up unreasonably. Together with my pride and his, we didn't fix it even when we had the soonest chances to reconcile.
I became a horrible lover and became martyr about it.I became miserable. I couldn't understand why he still shows he cares. His actions speak. I know.. I know him. But I couldn't understand why he don't wanna talk to me. Why he don't wanna end my longing for him. Why, if he don't love me anymore, he don't want a formal end to the relationship.
It makes me wonder. And it's so hard to move on when he's the one who even told me he still likes me.. that he still misses me.... How can I ever move on?
My friends kept telling me to just accept the fact that we're over and keep in mind that we're never getting back.. that you're never gonna talk to me. They told me that you aren't worth it.. that you're overruled by your pride. They told me that I'll leave it as is and move on. BUT I CAN'T. It's really hard to move on BUT I WILL TRY. And I'm still looking forward that we'd cross our paths and talk things to conclude.
I'm sorry. It was all my fault.
I WILL TRY TO MOVE ON. :(
I had the happiest and the hardest relationship. I knew he was my first love and I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life with him. We were so in love. I knew it was love at first sight and it made me so obsessed with it. We were happy couples and fights were rare for us. We may have been GF-BF for 43 days but it was the best ever. I didn't regret of having taking the chance.
It was hard because we didn't started out as friends. We started as people who obviously have mutual understanding. It was just 2 days after our first meet when he invited me out. And after that, it became more consistent each and every day before August 18.
Then the day came that I was so high during our YFC General Assembly. I was high for the love of God and the love of my suitor. I was really happy that night. So I ended up committing myself both to service (again) and him. I was really really really happy. I know he deserves my love. I know I deserve him too. I prayed for him.. I prayed for us.. but after 43 days of I-thought-it'll-last-forever moments, something really lame happened.
I was moody then (blame PMS for our breakup) when I just ended it all up unreasonably. Together with my pride and his, we didn't fix it even when we had the soonest chances to reconcile.
I became a horrible lover and became martyr about it.I became miserable. I couldn't understand why he still shows he cares. His actions speak. I know.. I know him. But I couldn't understand why he don't wanna talk to me. Why he don't wanna end my longing for him. Why, if he don't love me anymore, he don't want a formal end to the relationship.
It makes me wonder. And it's so hard to move on when he's the one who even told me he still likes me.. that he still misses me.... How can I ever move on?
My friends kept telling me to just accept the fact that we're over and keep in mind that we're never getting back.. that you're never gonna talk to me. They told me that you aren't worth it.. that you're overruled by your pride. They told me that I'll leave it as is and move on. BUT I CAN'T. It's really hard to move on BUT I WILL TRY. And I'm still looking forward that we'd cross our paths and talk things to conclude.
I'm sorry. It was all my fault.
I WILL TRY TO MOVE ON. :(
